People, and More
This humanity thing is the worst
For me the hardest part of this newsletter is coming up with the whole title thing. I’m picturing the reader sitting back in their recliner, beer in-hand after a long day of work, opening their inbox and having to see whatever today’s awful title is. Who in their right mind would open an email with the subject, “People, and More?” Well you did, and for that you’re rewarded with 759 more words of my rambling.
Saving innocent Ohioans
Today in Ohio we face a very real danger, Cuyahoga County is considering banning plastic bags. This assault on freedom in the name of helping reduce the amount of plastic we use and throw-away cannot stand. Thankfully, the Ohio legislature put their minds to work and have introduced a bill to ban plastic bag bans.
This thought-provoking legislation will let Americans have their inherent right to non-reusable plastic bags. This bill, being pushed by what I have to assume is big-plastic bag lobbyists, will right our potential societal wrongs.
As an added bonus, noted friend of the newsletter, Rep. Niraj Antani, is a co-sponsor of this bill. I wanted to take the time here to thank Niraj and his colleagues for working to help regular everyday Ohioans like myself. Instituting pseudoscience abortion reversal pills and banning bans of plastic bags will make us collectively safer as a society. After all, we live in a society.
I really must hate myself
Every morning since I was a kid, while I’m at home, I sit down at the dinning room table, drink a freshly brewed tea, and read the newspaper. For those who don't know, that’s like a newsletter but in print form. I read the Columbus Dispatch for no other reason than it’s the one that’s on the table, and on special days when I decide I really do hate myself I open-up the letters-to-the-editor.
I don’t understand why those exist, if you’re the kind of person to send in a letter to a newspaper I’m not quite sure anyone needs to listen to it. Yet, I read them and by-god I have an absolute doozy to share today.
From, Dennis Coyne, who I can only picture as a MAGA-Hat wearing white dude:
We have let those who promote permissive behavior lead us to believe the act of reproduction is merely sex not requiring love and marriage. Discarding the unborn parallels the loss of life during the auto accident. Who is to say that among 4 million to 5 million abortions in this country was a potential Jonas Salk sent by the Almighty, in answer to our prayers to provide us a cure for cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and the countless other medical issues we face on a daily basis.
If we’re going to go down this rabbit-hole, which is ungodly stupid, let’s do some thinking. For every unborn baby Salk how many unborn baby Stalin’s and Hitler’s were there? Really makes you think.
I guess, “The Almighty,” must be righteously pissed and I’d feel bad about that, if I had absolutely any care over upsetting that guys almighty friend. My friends are mostly unmighty, and don’t send me anything. If you’re a friend of mine and reading this, instead of sending me a person please please Venmo me.
While I’ve never heard a good argument against abortion, this qualifies as a bad argument, and I hope Dennis feels bad about being a fucking idiot.
A trip down memory lane
I feel bad for everyone that knew me in middle school. Before trolling was an established art form I made dumb jokes, was pretty mean, and probably incredibly annoying. With all that being said, my saving grace is I didn’t deface crepes and give them to my teachers.
Please, please, read this if you somehow missed it.
What bothers me the most here is that cooking classes in school are a sacred thing. For 40-minutes of bliss you get to not learn math or anything and get to eat. What middle school boy doesn’t love food, and especially crepes, those things are fantastic.
It’s ingenuity like cooking classes in school that made America truly a powerhouse, [editor’s note: I have no idea if cooking classes in school are an American invention and I don’t care enough to check] and children who do this type of disgusting act are ruining the American dream of eating more food in school.
As shown below, this middle-school cooking class aficionado would not have participated in such acts.
Trivia
Last week, with the help of 2 separate teams, I went 2/2 in trivia with a big win Thursday night. The winning final question being, “name either of the two states with mountain in their official nickname.”
Special thanks to loyal reader Taylor Gleeson for getting that one right for us. From now on, I’ve decided that readers who help me win trivia get shout-outs. Literally no one else though. Back at it Thursday at District PourHouse on campus, 8 PM. (The Answer: West Virginia and Vermont)